Im jokes
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?
2nd Person: Yeah, sure!
1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!
I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.
It's called "spastics on elastics."
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm famous!
I'm Gay.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.