Im jokes

I'm serious, what's a "dad?"

I'm straighter than a rainbow.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

I'm gay.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?

2nd Person: Yeah, sure!

1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?

I’m bone to be wild!

What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm famous!

I'm Gay.

Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"