If jokes
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?