If jokes

Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"

Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.

Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!

Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

Are you guys alright?

If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.

(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

This is mean af. Y'all need to stop this. Like, what the f *ck? What would happen if you all grew up and you were like this? Like, damn.

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,

I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.

Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?

If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)