If jokes

Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"

What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

What games do you play if you are bored?

Board games.

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?

They hit their nose on the wall.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

Jacob Wheet, if you don't understand, look it up.

What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?

Hamburg-ER.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

If a king farts, is it a noble gas?