If jokes
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
If you park your tow truck on the footpath, it'll get towed.
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.