If jokes
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
My Indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, I said I've smelt your fucking armpits, you've got no chance.
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.