If jokes

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸

cock teaser

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Give a like if I have no friends.

If you say the word "gullible" slowly, it will sound like you're saying "orange."

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?

Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

If you're bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

Do they say you are what you eat?

That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.

Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:

Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.