I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Humor
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?
Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.
Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
