"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
A donut is not empty inside, that was a hole in the middle. If I'm a donut, the hole used to be where I put my feeling and happiness, but people snatch it away from me.
Anyway, can someone put a hole in my physical body too? I kinda wanted to see people cry for me just like how people cry for Ace from One Piece.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
