Hows jokes
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.