Hows jokes

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

How many ears does Captain Picard have?

Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.