Hows jokes

God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

Angel: How big?

God: As big as my d--

Angel: Whoa!

God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

Angel: That's big bu--

God: Put a long thing on its face.

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"

Dad: "Because I’m gay."

*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*

Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"

Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."

The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."

Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"

Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"

Son: "But it was a nightmare..."

*Dad turns into a monster*

Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"

The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.

The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?

You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"

They jinxed it by saying "never sink."

How can you tell if Google is a girl?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!

How did I kill Georgee?

I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.

How do you get a Japanese fanclub?

Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?

She had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

How does the dog dance?

He doesn't... he's dead.

I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.