Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
One if you throw it hard enough.
