Howe jokes

Tootsie Roll

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Baby

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

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  • Emo kid

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

    You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

    Memes

    Africa

    How do you get 1 million followers?

    You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

    Manual

    I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

    Orphan

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

    You make them clap until they go home.

    9/11

    Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

    A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

    Man

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

    Helen Keller

    How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

    Chinese people

    Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

    A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

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  • Human

    How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

    Turn on the gas chamber.

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

    Blonde

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    5

    4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

    Car

    Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.