How To

How To jokes

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.

Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?

Just tell them that it floats.

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide

Me: Aren't they the same thing?