New Household Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between your mom and your dad one leaves your life to go get milk and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Your family

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."