Household jokes
What is an orphan's least favorite show?
"Fuller House."
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
What company do orphans hate the most?
S. C. Johnson, a family company.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
What is the best part of being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family sized.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
Why can't orphans eat a big bag of crisps?
'Cause it's family size...?!
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Why can’t an orphan eat a bag of chips?
Because it was family size.