The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then ask him can I have some your burrito he said yeah. I said whatever. A few minutes my mom told me to cut the lawn I said why do I have to do it that why he there for. My mom said he going to do the burrito for me then I said okay. I finish cutting the lawn I wen tin the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom what are you doing my mom said what does it look like. I having my burrito. The landscaper told me that I miss a spot while cutting the lawn.
What's orphans favorite game house keeping
As a son I was starting to do pranks. I told my momโs boyfriend that she cheated on him, and she donโt want to be with him no more, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny. Then I told my friend girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out, and wanted to co front me in my house. I wasnโt home. My friend told my mom what happen then my mom said the same thing happen to me. I came home one day I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job I ask whatโs going on. My friend told your mom is my new girlfriend & my mom said this is the penis of my dreams.
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since Iโve been little, Iโve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. โOn the searchโ as they would say. By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving. I got a pilotโs license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes. During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up. Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, Iโm afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
Everytime i come in the kitchen my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food like the fried chicken the mashed potatoes the collard greens mac and cheese and the corn bread. Then i said i wanna eat some of that shit i love soul food then i told her you keep it up your fat ass is going to big like house on a haunted hill.
"My wife is so crazy" said Beatem's McSmasher. "Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch "She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!" "You getting kicked out bro?" "Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor" "Is she one of them woke bitches?"
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car and I will be there in a couple of hours would you be able to pick them out at your house and I will pick you up and I will be at your place at your convenience I can get them in a little while Iโm at the park bye
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken had 4 chicks and a cheating hen who all sucked out all his money he got from his extremely boring job, and he finally got some peace for himself and was going to the local bar, which was on the other side of the road. He walked in the door, wings sagging, feathers catching on his claws. The bartender eyes him as he sits on a bar stool. "Chuck, how ya doin'? The missus doin' good?" "Just give me the hardest stuff you got. I'm done." This caught the bartender by surprise. "Chuck, come on, don't be sayin' that. Just look to the future and you'll be fine." "What future?" Chuck replied in a huff. "My wife and chicks are so goddamn pestering sometimes, you know? But if I leave, they'll all suffer, and I don't want that either. Oh, God, Phil, I don't know what to do." "You know, you've got a good heart for a rooster your age," Phil answered. "We need that in these parts. I'm tellin' ya, there will be more than what's happenin' right now, ya know, life's got all its gears turning for ya, and there's just a bit slow right now. The gears haven't been oiled in a while, but who's the only one who can fix that?" Chuck knew the answer. "Me." Phil returned with his drink. "McClucken's Whiskey, on the house." Chuck glanced at his glass. He held it up to the light. His face reflected in an aura around it, neither looking forward to the light and not backward, either. "No thanks, Phil," Chuck sighed, "But thanks anyways." He went to get up out of his chair. Phil called as he walked out the door, "Just remember to oil the gears every now and then, eh?" Chuck's comb flapped in a cool breeze brought in by the season. A bench was nearby, staring across to the other side. And he just sat there, sat there thinking. Cars blurred to a colorfully colorless nothingness as he thought in silence. He could see an open window in his mind, full of chickens: a sassy hen, two identical sportish chick; another, older than the two, and body bristling with blue comb-dye and the latest thing he watched online fresh on his Chickstagram page; finally, the first of the bunch, shy, bookish, with a secretly courageous soul. They all looked... worried, worried for the rooster who guided them, helped them grow, supported them... and all looking out of the window back at him. A single tear welled in Chuck's eye. The chicken walked back across the road to his family, to his friends, and to the life he was content with.
So hereโs this funny story and itโs true. So my mom has this friend when this guy was a kid he was on the school bus and this Mexican kid checked him into the isle so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox and he started bleeding then they both get banned from the bus for a few days so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad โif your kid ever picks on my kid again Iโm gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!โ
Why can't orphans play baseball, they donโt know where home is
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page
Doctor: Iโm going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because Iโm a family doctor Why do orphans like boomerangs, cause they come back
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what itโs like to be Wanted. Girls are like rocks the flat ones get skipped
What an orphans least favorite tv show, Family Guy
If you hit an orphan what are they going to do tell their parents
If you hit an orphan with a car at least you don't have to tell their parents
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father What does a orphan call a family photo, a selfie Why was the orphan a big success, cause people say go big or go home he only had one option Why is it ok to hit an orphan? Itโs not like they can tell their parents.
Whatโs an orphanโs least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common, the canโt see their parents
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt, because they donโt know what a mummy is
Why are orphans bad at poker, because they don't know what a full house is
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
