In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
A bicurious man goes to a gar bar A gay man offers him a drink The bi man explains he doesnt know if hes gay or not Thats fine he says lets just have a drink The gay man asks him for a dance and he explains again he isnt sure if hes gay or not. Eventually the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends. They get to his house and the gay man says, do you fancy having sex? He isnt sure so the gay man explains ill push in slow and at any point you want to stop make animal sounds and if you like it starr singing.so they get to it and the gay man pushs in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because was I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex ad gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Women are like Gernades you pull the ring and BOOM house is gone
A horse says to they other horse are you hot?
The other horse says ahhhh a house that talks
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
A man broke into stevie wonders house and threatened to kill his wife
He just turned a blind eye
why did the chickin crosse the road? to get to the gay guys house nock nock whos ther chickin
Pedophile: You dropped your candy. Girl: Thanks! Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy. Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one? Girl: How far is your house? Pedophile: Its that white one right over there. Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster? Pedophile: Yep its that one. Girl:.... Sure! :P Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basements still dark.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
my class is my house is quite I suck a dick now one cares
How do kill a redneck Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes of his house
Yo mama so short she wakes up everyday in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.
Why was it cold in Stephen hawkings house? - Because he had a new window open...
😂👌🏻
Guys I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house
Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that's not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.
