I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...
What is the difference between a human and a magic house and what do I have for dinner 🥘
I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
What did a magic house 🏠 do?
Make someone in a wheelchair.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
What can you do for a magic house?
Make it fly!
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
I love you
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?
An orphan.
What has two tires and no engine? A magic house 🏡
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What kind of house 🏠 can fly? A magic house 🏠!
What is the difference between a human and a house 🏡? A human can walk and a house 🏡 can not walk
What is the difference between a house and a car 🚘? A car car can drive and house 🏡 can not drive
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
