Hotness jokes
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Hi, I'm a girl gamer looking for a hot bf.
1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!
2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.
3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.
4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......
5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.
6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!
7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.
8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS
Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....
What's Stephen Hawking called on fire?
Hot Wheels :)
I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot, but they're both quiet.
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
What do you call an autistic kid going down the stairs in a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels!
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?
A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.
Why are corners so hot?
They are always 90 degrees.
A man walks into a bar and see's a naked lady, "WOOW SHES HOT!" HE picks her up and pee's on her and says, "Hi lady lets have sex."
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.