Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Why did the tamale go to the hospital. b/c estava malito :)
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.
What Do you Call a homosexual in a Coma?
A Fruit & a Vegetable
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident
An amputation
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
