Hooker jokes

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush.

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

What is more used than plastic?

Hookers.

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

Why do orphans become hookers?

'Cause they can call someone "daddy."

What's the difference between a club and a bar?

I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?

I don't eat burritos.

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.