Hooker jokes

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."

Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!

How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.

What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?

Answer: A hooker.

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?

A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?