Hooker jokes
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
Why do orphans become hookers?
'Cause they can call someone "daddy."
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What can happen if you bring a hooker into a stranger's house? He will ask you, "Really, are you nuts?"