Hooker jokes
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
Q: What's a hooker's favourite SpongeBob episode?
A: Rock Bottom.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."