Hooker jokes
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
Why do orphans become hookers?
'Cause they can call someone "daddy."
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.