Home jokes

Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?

Because she is a home-y.

Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!

I did a good job of being home from school.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Why can't a homeless person win a baseball game?

They can't find home plate.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

How to make an orphan die?

Tell them to yell until their folks come home.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.

The makers were orphans.

What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!