Home jokes
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?
What food has an orphan made?
Homemade food.
What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.