Home jokes

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never learned how to home cook.

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

"Is your refiger running?"

"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"

Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?

There is no home button.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there is a knock at the door. He opens it and there is the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.