Home jokes
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
What did the bus driver say to the nut π₯?
"Where do you live?"
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, βa lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.β
βThat explains one black eye,β the wife says, βbut what about the other?β The man explains, βI figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.β
Me: Iβm gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you donβt have a home or parents!!!!
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
How are orphans like Spider-Man?
No way home.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
Why canβt an orphan play baseball?
Because they canβt find home.
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
Little Johnny was alone because Dad didnβt come back.