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Home jokes

Dad

    • Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

    This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

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    • Home memes

    School

    • I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.

    Boyfriend

    • A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

    Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

    “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

    Orphan

    • What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

    The Chinese kid has a home.

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    • Orphan

    • Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

    Orphan: What! No! Please no!

    Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

    Snail

    • A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

    He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

    He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

    Three years later there's a knock at the door.

    He opens it and sees the same snail.

    The snail says, "What was that all about?"

    Dog

    • I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

    Kidnapping

    • I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

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