Hit jokes
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What do you call J Cow's new hit? Deja Moo!
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.