What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. đ„”
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: â ïž
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Yo mama so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
For centuries, Japanâs feudal dictators, called Shoguns, enforced strict laws that kept people from leaving or entering the country. This practice isolated Japan from the rest of the world. By the middle of the 19th century, Japanâs isolationism was creating problems for the United Statesâ whaling industry whose ships needed coal, food, and water available in Japanese ports. And sailors who were shipwrecked on the coast of Japan needed protection from mistreatment.
In November 1852, President Millard Fillmore sent an expedition to Japan to solve these problems. Led by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, the expedition had both steam-powered and sail-powered warships and several hundred men. Perryâs task was to persuade the Japanese to sign a treaty with the United States that would open Japanese ports and protect shipwrecked sailors. On July 8, 1853, the Perry expedition sailed into Edo Bay about thirty miles from the city of Edo (modern Tokyo).
During talks with the Shogunâs representatives, the idea of a treaty was repeatedly rejected. But Perry didnât give up. Finally, in February 1854, the Japanese agreed to negotiate a treaty. The Treaty of Kanagawa established peace between the two countries, opened two ports to U.S. shipping, and protected shipwrecked sailors. It was signed on March 31, 1854.
Perryâs expedition also opened Japan to the rest of the world. Within two years, Japan signed similar treaties with Russia, Holland, and Britain.
My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2.
He never talks about it.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
Bin Ladenâs kid comes sad from school.
âDad, I got an F in Geography class!â
âWhy is that?â
âThe teacher asked me whatâs the tallest building in New York and I said âEmpire State Building.ââ
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, âLet dad handle this one.â
Whatâs the only positive thing about Freddie Mercuryâs death?
The HIV test results.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Whatâs the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?
One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we donât talk about that.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
