What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
