History jokes
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
WORLDWIDE RAP: Takin’ a Battery Park tour in Calgary, a Mali rapport and a factory in Lahore in an Annapolis store, Calgary's core, went to Nairobi’s floor and visited Valerie Moore, then bought some Shanghai decor and got salaries in Seoul’s war, studied the Vatican’s lore, wanted to see Manhattan’s allure and visit the Galilee shore to check Napoli’s score, a tragedy in Warsaw, Palmyra before, check out the cavalry corps, went to a Bali resort, a Madrid encore but had to take a Hackney detour.
WJE officially a gone memory.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.
So I told him he was on my cock.
(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.