Himself jokes

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.

Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.

Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?

He couldn’t stand up for himself.

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.

Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.

Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.

He’s got himself.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Why did Kenny die?

Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?