Himself jokes

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

A boy asked his dad: "Why didn’t you make love with my mom, Daddy?"

Dad: "Because I’m gay."

*Son started making out with his daddy and sucking his daddy’s big peepee.*

Son: "W- Wait a minute. So how did I exist if you didn’t make love with my mom if you’re not straight?"

Dad: "Because you are not real, and I didn’t even have a wife."

The son woke up from his horrible nightmare, and he looked so scared. He did leave his bed to check out his dad, but he didn’t find his dad, until his dad entered the house, and he said to his son: "Why did you look so worried? I’m just bringing some food for breakfast."

Son: "Well, but why are your hands full of cum ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?"

Dad: "Because I did it with you last night. Did you forget?"

Son: "But it was a nightmare..."

*Dad turns into a monster*

Dad: "I’m your nightmare!"

The son woke up, and he seemed too scared, and he found himself beside his dad torturing him after he discovered he’s gay.

The son with himself: "Wake up, b*tch, wake up, b*tch!!!!!!"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.

Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?

'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?

The Emo hangs himself.

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

My wheelchair-bound friend was getting bullied, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.

Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!