Him jokes

I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!

Why did Greg go mad? Because Stephen stalked him.

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

What do you call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers?

An annoying prick whose black dad left him as a kid.

Why does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls are too clever for him.

"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.

There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

Face the truth, Jake could have went on the door, but Rose wanted him to die.

I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."

So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?

It reminds him of last night.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."