Him jokes

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

How do you get "Dick" from Richard?

Ask him nicely.

Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?

Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.

Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?

He would take him to a "pignic."

Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?

Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!

"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?

Because when it beeps, it's him!

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?

He honor-killed her.

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.