A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
I was gonna clean my room
before I got high.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
