my friend: hey i got 15 kills! me: i got 60 kills! my friend: i didn't know you played call of duty! me: whats call of duty?
what did the orphan say to its parents? hey mom and dad oh wait ur not my parents i dont have nun will u adopt me pls they people:no
Hey what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is Sundyed tomato
Get it sundyed like son died
"Hey, man do you have any ben and jerry's?"
"yeah I have two of them fresh and preserved in the freezer"
"I meant the ice cream bro..."
You: hey Alexa what is your gender? Alexa: I idenify as Michael Jackson and my pronens are...... Me: *hears it* and their pronens are he/he
You know having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
this ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap and in a few days he saw her again and he went up to her and said hey you gave me the clap and she said NO I DID NOT I sold it to ya
Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*
hey wake um I just mured you family but I live alone then who are these people in your house they are people in my house well not any more dum bitch you welcome you could have died
What did John Cena say to Ray Charles? Hey, man.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an englishman. He says things like,
"It's a elevator, not'a lift!"
and
"It's bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the englishman says,
"Hey wankar, it's a school, not a god damned shootin range."
freshman - hey whats better ford or chevy. seinor - i dont fuckin care long as it drives. freshman - so im guessing its chevy
white people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kil them, rape them and enslave them* natives: can y- white people: hey you remember all that horrible shit we did to you lets have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
Kidnapper: hey kid your parents told me to pick you up Kid: Sir this is an orphanage Kidnapper: ...
hey do you remember that dragon thing? dragon these balls across your face
I once saw an orphan... Decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"...... They didn't reply.... I kept asking them.... They started crying.... I started laughing.... They ran away.....
SOn:hey dad im cold can you give me a lift from work
Dad:Hi cold, Nice to meet you sorry i dont pick up strangers
Son:I hate you
me : hey! do you know how to tie a knot? person : yea, why? me : cause I need help tying this noose :)
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket. I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
