When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
why did the orphan say help? he needed his brother
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
I tell a man get me a glock 19 he comes back with a glove i was about to shout at him but then i saw a pistol in his pocket so i left and thanked him
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
This dude is so fat wearing the same damn clothes everyday. Everytime he turn around it's his graduation day he forgot to put a boomerang on his pants cause they don't even fit no more.last time I saw him coming down the street it was in a bucket of popeye"s chicken extra crispy.
The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"
The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."
Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
So an orphan walked into a store he gets lost and the store clerk asked do you need help finding your parent and the orphan ran out crying
How did peter cottontail get his swing on he made love to alice in wonderland.
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: a man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
My friend is blind. So he always says he cannot nazi .
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
why isn't stephen hawking going to heaven? because he's british
