Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Hes Jokes
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A pirate walks into a tavern with a pirate ship attached to his nutty wuttys. It's driving me nuts!
A troll proceeds to pull out a desert eagle and shoot the pirate in the face. He makes a poggers face and says, "Problem??"
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
