What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?
Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.
Hes Jokes
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam!
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.
I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
