The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
Joe mama so fat when she weighs herself, the weigh explodes.
Yo mama so fat that she's social distancing from herself.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
Yo mama so fat, when she talks to herself, it’s a long-distance call.
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
