A emo texted a tree wanna hang out... The tree ghosted her
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My friend while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: You're priceless When we get to the checkout: I'm actually $2.50
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
How did they know that princess Diana had dandraff? , They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn't know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."
How did helen kellers parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
