Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
Herring Jokes
Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
How do you give an "Alabama Girl" a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"
Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
Yo mama so poor, when I rang her doorbell, she said, "Ding!"
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
What did Caesar call a person?
She-Caesar.
Yo mama's so dumb, her dad said, "You're driving me crazy," and she said, "I didn't know crazy was a place!"
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: no one stands up.
Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*
Little Johnny: *stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
