I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”
Yo mama so poor, when I rang her doorbell, she said, "Ding!"
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jake who woke up one morning to find his wife and her wheelchair missing. He searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, he put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
How do you help a rape victim on a diet lose 7 pounds?
Kill her afterwards.
Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?
A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
Kenya text: Guys, leave Gwen alone! Pls! It is not her fault...btw STOP AND GO TO ATHORE JOKES
Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
Yo mama is so stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: no one stands up.
Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*
Little Johnny: *stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
