Herring jokes

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.

Yo mama is so ugly that Kanye West went East to get away from her.

Yo mama is so ugly that James Charles rejected her.

Everyone at the Queen's funeral:

Me and the boys getting her reboot card.

Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Who likes Fortnite? Gwen Stacy is in the game, let's goooooo! I love her!

Why is Chloe's forehead so big? Because her forehead is king-size.

What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.