Herring jokes

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

There is a joke that did not enter this page... Why? She is afraid they will laugh at her!

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."