Herring jokes

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.

She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.

The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

Screamed till her hands fell off.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.

Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.