Herring jokes

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?

Have a look at her face!

Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

My friend is so short, whenever I dance with her, it’s like dancing with a golf tee.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

There is a joke that did not enter this page... Why? She is afraid they will laugh at her!

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."