Herring jokes

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

Why did the blonde have sex with the Mexican?

Because her teacher told her she had to do an essay.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to an ugly contest, they told her, "No pros allowed."

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.

Yo mama so fat, when they buried her, they named her Everest. Mount Everest.

Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Yo mama is so ugly that her portraits hang themselves.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

What do you white people use as pronouns?

Crack/her.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."