Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Why didn’t Anne Frank just finish her diary?
Concentration problems.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Yo mama so fat that when she went on the scale, it showed her phone number.
Yo mama is so fat that her belt size is the equator.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo momma is so ugly even the trash man wouldn't pick her up.
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.
