Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
The daughter walks up to her father and he asks him “Dad can I ask you something?” The father says “Of course, what’s your question?” The daughter replies and asks “How do you feel about abortion?” The father says “Why don’t you ask your sister?” The daughter replies “I don’t have a sis-“
yo mumma so fat i took a photo of her last year and its still printing.
your mum so cute that i asked for her number ans she said yes and now were dating
Your mum is so fat all her relationships are long distanced
Your mum is so fat when I see her I get depressed
Her:"Land of the free" Me:*fat Her: What do you mean? Me: Its not fat free
Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, jack got high grabbed her thigh, and said "you know you wanna" jill said yes and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun, but silly jill forgot her pill and now they have a daughter
haha i fucked you over
My Wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side So i crashed the car, then didnt talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex. The poor guy asks the rich guy "what'd you get for your wife today?" The rich guy replies " I got her a diamond ring and a mercedes" The poor guy asks "Why did you get two gifts for her?" Rich guy says "If she doesn't like the diamond ring then she can return it in her mercedes" Rich guy asks the poor guy " what'd you get for your wife" Poor guy says " I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo" Rich guy asks "why did you get two gifts for her?" The poor guy says " If she doesnt like the slippers then she can go fuck herself. "
What is a redneck virgin?
Answer; A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers!
yo mama so fat her yearbook picture was a double page spread
I had sex with my German gf, it was kinda weird tho, she kept yelling her age. Idk why.
How do you give a woman from Alabama a Nice Compliment?
Answer; You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.
I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
"My wife is so crazy" said Beatem's McSmasher. "Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch "She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!" "You getting kicked out bro?" "Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor" "Is she one of them woke bitches?"
I saw a girl with blond hair. she was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw. So I ran up to her feeling hot
my girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a gluestick. she still isn't talking to me
