Hereness jokes

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?

Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...

Here is a joke: Rape.

Guess what song this is from:

"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

At baseball practice...

"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"

"No, but I got two right here."

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!

Here's a joke: Your life decisions.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

Aha, tomato macaroni is bad, hahaha.

(I don't even know what on earth I put here, but okay.)

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.