Her jokes
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
Why was Huggy Wuggy not able to hug Cody’s mom?
Because she was so fat he couldn’t fit his arms around her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Why is Chloe's forehead so big? Because her forehead is king-size.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!
Alberta.
The only province where the Premier wears anal beads around her neck.
Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.
Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.
Clarie: It was painful!
Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.
Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!
Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?
Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!
Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Yo mama is so fat that she crushed her PlayStation profile.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.