How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other cheek? They called back.
Her Jokes
Yo mama is so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
